We know it: at that time of the year, participating in the general atmosphere of joy and optimism seems difficult, impossible even, to some of us.
This time of the year, with its family reunions and parties with friends wishing us the best for 2017 – without knowing maybe that the only thing we hope for is the same as last year, and that we’ve been fighting for it for months, for years.
This time of the year, when we can’t help but see pregnant women everywhere, when friends or relatives announce us a pregnancy, looking towards 2017 with confidence, knowing that this year will change their lives.
This time of the year, when we all look back at the past 12 months, with in our case feelings of failure, disappointment or even despair.
This time of the year, when people all seem to ask the same tactless questions or make the same clumsy observations: “what about you? When will you get to it?”, “what are you waiting for? You’re not 20 anymore”, or “2017 will be your year, you just need to relax and stop thinking about it”. As if we didn’t turn it in our head a thousand times, as if we weren’t already doing absolutely everything we could. As if this was not the only thing that really mattered to us – and yet, kept resisting us.
We know all that.
That’s why today we want to share with you some advice and tips to help you go through these last days of 2016 and look at the coming 2017 challenges with energy and faith.
Sometimes one needs to be selfish.
If you are dreading to go to a party or a family event, ask yourself : do I really have to go?
If it is not the case, then don’t go.
Without explaining the details nor telling the whole story, if you explain things sincerely then 90% of people will understand and respect you.
Some questions or comments can be anticipated.
Think about who you’re going to meet and imagine the situations that might occur, the questions they might ask you.
Have an answer prepared for each of them. You’ll feel much more relaxed and confident.
Here’s a simple exercise of relaxation through respiration.
With your eyes closed, put your hand on your chest or abdomen, and focus on your respiration.
Listen to it for a few minutes, observe it, without forcing it. Little by little your heart beat will go down and so will the feeling of stress and anxiety.
Then slowly try to regulate your respiration, trying to make each inspiration and expiration last the same, around 4-5 seconds. Breathe deeply and imagine the oxygen go through each organ and each part of your body: head, heart, neck, back, arms, legs and of course, the abdomen and its reproductive system. They will all relax one by one.
You can do this exercise:
– at home, before going to one of these parties or events, lying on your bed or sitting on a sofa or a chair.
– in case of panic or anxiety attack, for example in one of the uncomfortable situations described earlier. In this case go to the bathroom or find an isolated and quiet rom. And do this exercise.
Choose someone you totally trust.
Friend, lover, brother or sister, cousin: find someone you trust in each of these parties or celebrations.
Explain the situation and stick to him or her.
At the very first sign that you’re feeling uncomfortable or upset, this person can save the moment with a simple word, a gesture or directly by changing the subject of conversation.
You may not see it right now, but you’re much more than someone with fertility issues.
When looking back at the past year, make an effort to see not only your difficulties to have a baby but also the successes, big or small, that you accomplished in 2016.
Use that moment to visualize, and recognize, all the facets of your personality, all that you are, beyond all fertility issues: a successful professional, a faithful friend, a loving partner, a good cook, …
And why not? You should also celebrate also the strength, courage and unconditional love you’ve been fighting with to make this baby come true.
Likewise, establish for 2017 objectives that have nothing to do with your project of starting a family. It can be very simple things, the important is to have other goals to focus on, and to reconnect with the sensation of achievement.